To 2014

Last year I dedicated my year to a happy, frivolous word that bubbles up inside us, that spills over, effervescent, and lights up the world for ourselves and those we love...  I chose sparkle as my word of the year.  I think I failed.  Thinking back, sparkle is not a word that even makes sense for me.  Sparkling requires lots of light, lots of energy...  Lots of pretty pep.  No wonder.  I'm glad I chose it.  I think I added a smidge more fun to my life because of that word.

Hello, 2014.  You've been asking for a new word.   Lucky you.  You barely escaped the choosing of a truly busy word.  I want to accomplish many things and reintroduce crafting, projects, art, and creativity.  I thought maybe "diligent, industrious, work."

Later I considered the word, "glow."  A more steady, warm, sustainable form of sparkling.

Contentment...  Inner harmony.  I want to restore the portions of lost heart to my friends, family...  And myself.  Nurture...  Kindness...  Hope...

My friend Alison, suggested no word, just being.  Another friend seemed to indicate the wisdom of keeping the word a secret between you and the universe.

Beauty.  Commitment.  Composure.  I could revisit an old one, Authenticity.

 “You cannot teach a man anything. You can only help him discover it within himself.” —Galileo Galilei  ....  So I return to the inner fires of beauty, contentment, ambition... To share an inner glow with the ones I love.  I choose ......

Creativity and Kindness...  Who says we can't choose two.

As the year ends...

Wishing you all a good, loving, and safe New Year....  Thank you all for your support and inspiration throughout the years we have spent together.

An Outrageous Christmas Sweater Rant

You know, this is going to be one of the posts I probably shouldn't publish.  Controversy in any form?  Not my style.  I don't go in for any of the current debates or arguments.  I'm usually more in trouble for sitting ...quiet....in public rather than "shooting my mouth off."  I am not always that kind, but I want to be.  I did defend Paula Deen, but I wasn't defending racism, of course...  That's another story.

So, you'd think my subject might have to be something super important, biblical, political---  at least financial.  But it's not.  It's Christmas sweaters.  Yep.  Here I find the writing much more intense and personal than the subject warrants.  Ugly Christmas Sweater things, parties, parades....  They hurt my feelings.  Really.  It's ridiculous to explain.  It's pathetic actually to be 59 years old and actually give a darn about what people think.

I guess it's something cellular almost with me.  As an only child, I learned from Mom and Dad to absolutely share everything and never be that stereotype (which I think is wrong) of spoiled.  I didn't learn, however, to be thick-skinned.  No brothers or sisters called me pet blames, teased me, or laughed at me.  I was the Princess....  Until grade school, high school, and life.  No amount of sharing prepared me for the shock of not being special to everyone in the room.  How could that be?  So little eye rolls and teases...  Mocking me about my homemade clothes...   It all stung...  Inside.  Outside, I've lived with my Gramma's philosophy, "Stick yer head in the air."

As a grown woman...  I should have outgrown this mortification of spirit.  I freely and whole heartedly embraced all things holiday, including sweaters for every festive occasion.  For many years, although I'm a large woman, I felt pretty and special in these sweaters.  Photos sometimes alarmed my senses as outrageous jack-o-lanterns and wacky cats illuminated me in group photos...  But, my confidence allowed me to work that sweater, laugh and truly enjoy wearing them.  I have no idea how many holiday sweaters I own...  I do realize I was recognized as one to be wearing one...  You see where I'm going.

A couple years ago a lifelong friend called me to borrow a couple of my Christmas sweaters for her grandchildren.  I refused, even though she really insisted.  Later that night I googled a Christmas Sweater Party, something totally new to me.  Nope.  None of those.  Tons of Ugly Christmas Sweater parties.  More every year.  Prizes.  Facebook.  More friends calling my friends...  Um.  ------  FYI:    If I own a sweater with a holiday theme, obviously I didn't think it was ugly.  Thus...  It's hurtful, dare I say rude, to call and ask to borrow one.  When I see pictures and realize people are mocking them...  Also hurtful.

Nothing to be done.  These parties will go on until the pop culture tires of them, if it ever does.  But it's just something I finally want to articulate.  I know.  I really know.  It isn't a personal attack on me because, hey!  I did finally learn I'm not the center of attention in the universe...  But the general public  chose something I loved and called it ugly, made it tacky, mocked it, got drunk in it...  Lined up for goofy photos...    And by association, it feels as if they are mocking me

Okay...  Got that said.  Maybe tonight I'll grow up, stop being four years old, and wear whatever I want, NO. MATTER. WHAT?  Everyone else sure does.   Maybe the next fun thing will be a "shoddy cell phone or icky IPod party". Maybe sixty-something's will go places with holes torn out of all our clothes and "hot stuff" glittered smack dab on our butt cheeks.....Lol...  Naw, that's too awful, even for pop-culture.

Merry Christmas to all my friends in Blogland. May you and yours have a cozy, blessed, and loving Christmas.

Something holiday in the air...

All around ...  Holidays create an air of comfort...  It may take extra effort, sometimes too much stewing, always too much money...  But it's a special time.  I have never had a holiday season without school...  Since 1959....   It's funny, but it didn't really feel as if I had more time.  Now, that's just silly, isn't it?

Our trees, streets, and sidewalks are freshly glazed from a prairie winter ice and sleet storm yesterday.   I think I'm in for the duration. My love for snow is tempered with an inordinate fear of falling, sliding... Or of those I love skidding around....

Let me tell you about my holiday baking!  I decided to make a goodie every day this week with Mom.  She loves "goodies" and it felt like a reasonable amount for friends who visit.  Yesterday I was planning to make my son a pan of brownies for the class he's teaching...  And a goodie.  First the brownies, Mom's special....to die for....recipe.  These brownies are created on top of the stove...  I preheated the oven...  Had to break open a new sack of flour since our lock tight tub was missing...

Yep.  350° is too hot for a Rubbermaid tub of flour at the very back of top shelf in the oven.   I caught it only moments before it melted through...  No flour plopped and confused the mess that had been handles and green rims...  I had to do the thermonuclear stage of cleaning with the door auto-locked to def con seven...  We managed to finish the brownies, but we weren't in the mood for a goodie!  At. All.  Our house certainly didn't have a scrumptious air...  But the plastic turned to a bit of dust...  Poof!

Luckily our family today enjoyed a change of air as yummy taco salad sent its spicy deliciousness all through the house...  Felìz Navidad! Have a lovely, lovely holiday...  Merry Christmas blessings to you and all you love.

The icy blue....

Last night the winds brought deep, soft snow.  The beautiful sort that clings to the trees and makes the a Christmas cards a fortune.  Mom and I slept cozy and sound, my son home from a late night of work and Hobbit watching...  I've been wrapping, making some treats, and generally losing myself in the holiday blur.

There comes a moment when it's here...  Usually with my old schedule, that moment came right on the wings of the 25th, but with a little more time...  I'm finding myself unable to just stop, put away the lists, get out the cocoa, the holiday teas, the movies...  Read the beautiful words of St. Luke, the ultimate Christmas message given the the world...  Time to stop.  To listen...  To remember... And To Be....

Our mantle bids you enter into the icy realm of Heartland Magic...  

Celebrating the first snow!

Outside Mr. winter has been swirling through.  And there is snow!  Oh, not enough to cancel school, but enough to make me happy again not to be going!  It's so pretty in the 9° sunshine...  My thermometer had 9°!  Mom was scheduled for an appointment today, but we canceled.  Something about icy sidewalks and walkers don't really mix in a good way.   The last of our decorations go up today, but here is a sneak peek at our tree.  It was fun to load it down with new and old ornaments this year.  The painted wooden ones were made 40 years ago by "a young college student" sitting patiently on her bed and fashioning holiday gifts from almost no money!  40!?!  Can that be right?

"She" also surprised her dad with an embellished resurrection of his army blanket.  The rips and holes---  she added a rosette or embroidery of gold felt.  The edges of military serge?  Too boring for this miss.  She used her trusty blanket stitch in gold, fuzzy yarn for a decor touch.  I'll never forget the little cry he made when he opened it on Christmas morning...  Not really an exclamation of joy, but more like a little bird whose wing just got hit with a BB gun...   He quickly smiled and never let me know how shocked and actually disappointed he was to see the army blanket he used through WW2's harsh conditions turned into some frilly tea cozy...  Years later it dawned on me I'd never seen it out on display.  Mom just shook her head, shrugged.....  And I was older than that college sophomore I had been...  I realized he missed the old, manly blanket!  Poor Daddy. Oops!

Anyway, I hope to make a batch of graham cracker toffee cookies today...  Enjoy the season!

Christmas in Bevier

City celebrations come and go, but there is a quality to life in small towns that accents a holiday...  I sat with a dear friend today while she sold lovely handmade jewelry...  Up and down each aisle, former students and friends sold little handmade treasures...  Local talent sang carols from the stage, and fussy toddlers streaked around the gym in peppermint striped tights .....with harried mommies close behind, the fluffy tulle dress and frilly hair bow ready.....  The baby show awaited...  But it wasn't a high priority with THE BABY!

We had the never-ending soup bowl, home made divinity, sugar scrubs scented with peppermint extract, baby oil, and the high hopes of junior girls thinking to finance Prom....  Santa, hayrides, frigid cold air....  Good times.  I stopped to bring home a pizza for my mom and me...  Two more students from my past smiling out the window...  I fully appreciate the layering of years of shared memories.  As a community Bevier just bleeds purple and white...  We give the school, the town, the young people our best.  With me, as well as with others, my best is sometimes not quite right...  But a spirit of community is a definite blessing with no purchase price...

Tonight I hang up my new necklace, a sparkling steampunk-inspired piece with bluebird, charm, antique chain and key...  I plug in a night light, offer Mom her favorite divinity and Holiday drop cookies...  Put aside a loaf of light bread for tomorrow's lunch, freeze a cherry nut loaf, tuck away some cute Stocking stuffers, and step from a hot shower and peppermint scrub...  I kind of wish I'd seen Santa... Think about all the years before and the ones to come...  First Saturday in December.....  Be there or ....  Wish you were...

The Spirit!

Of course!  Well, yes!  With the big holiday only three weeks away, we feel the waves of excitement, good cheer, and spirit pulsing through our veins.  I'm a little surprised to discover how confused everything appears.  We chose a different spot for the tree this year.  Maybe that's the culprit.  We had the very latest of Thanksgivings possible...  I've been on a six-month purge/declutter/spiff of the house...  And truthfully I can't find anything.

And there is always a little sting to Christmas joy, a tug at memory's heart to recall some magic from our yesterdays.  I always begin to hear a few hardworking women begin to melt down, wishing Christmas would be "over."  Budgets disappear and fizzle right along with the sinking feeling that I've bought all the wrong presents...  And some of these gifts are elusively crammed hither and yon in aforesaid spiffed home!

I'm a lot disappointed I forgot the first Sunday night of Advent, and I see no candles ready for the second.  I miss my decorations from home right alongside the happiness I get from rediscovering Mom's treasures from years ago.  Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus...  Yes, there also is a huge veil of Christmas Spirit.  It's not about everyone being holly jolly, about all the curios festive and perfect cookies baked.  The holidays aren't about gifts all ready and carols tinkling from stereo systems while hot cider spices on tegu stove.  I keep telling myself to work mindfully, to not cut corners, to enjoy each moment.

So far, it's helping.  I wonder if I'll repeat a disturbing dream I've had recurring for many Christmases.  In this dream, I find it's suddenly a Christmas exchange/holiday party/ family gift time...   And I'm taken by shock.  Unprepared, I spend the dream scrambling, rooting, throwing candles and haphazard food at unkempt holiday tables.  Sometimes a friend of mine brings a bit of order.  Sometimes not.

Whatever we do... Or don't do, the real Christmas is about love.  Please let me never forget that for a fleeting second.

May you and yours enjoy a gentle, truly happy Thanksgiving.

Can I Just Say. . .

As we approach Thanksgiving week,  I'm trying to take some time to "play."  I want to make something special to celebrate the holidays, to center my heart toward those I love, to enjoy the gifts I've been handed.  Being retired can be incredible... No early deadlines, no frantic feeling, just time to relax and become more of myself...  But I want to like her --- that self I'm becoming!  

Today a happy little shoebox arrived from Payless...  I'm kind of ashamed of my former shoes.. Or lack of them.  I've been known too often for wearing a beloved pair of sandals too, too, too long.  Years, winter and sumner, actually...   That's not the legacy to throw around.  Today's pair was only a little suede-like moccasin, black and fur lined...  Oh, my!  Comfy, warm...  My little feets were so pleasantly happy...  I'm working on just enjoying and not "stewing." 

Time for a little cup of chamomile tea and my date with the television...  Not sure what's on, but it could be one of those sappy happy Christmas movies...   The rain is trickling but the temps are falling.  It sounds like a wintry mix on my window by my bed...  Stay warm, safe, and happy...  

Cozy November

Cozy times, these mid-November mornings...  It seems the beauty this year just continues to pour out!  Even fallen, crisp, and win-tossed, the loveliness wraps around every tree base...  A few sunny moments at the lake yesterday brought time to think, plan, and spread my arms in true Thanksgiving.

This morning the sunshine quickly tempered last night's cold..  A clear and moonlit frost had spread over the earth while most of us snuggled, warm and cozy.   Mom has been hungering for cherry pie for three weeks...  Today was the day.  I'd love to take full credit, but dear Mrs. smith was more responsible than I!  A lovely friend an deader of this blog(you know who you are, NM) once gave yes a hint to transfer store purchased pies while frozen to a glass pie pan.  There's no looking back if you try that tip.  Crusts are flakier...  It's prettier.  The pie cuts beautifully...  Just try it!

I used tiny crystal dishes, part of a fruit cocktail set from my grandmother...  And of course I added a scoop of vanilla bean ice cream...

Good News!

Welcome to the newest little girls in our community.  Their names have been carefully chosen, but we are waiting to hear them from their mommy...  Here they are with one of their sisters ( on left) and another friend.  They make number 8 and 9 of children in a very happy family.

In Bevier family members and friends bond over tragedy and rejoice for joy...  Today we celebrate nothing short of a miracle.  These little girls were born Saturday, and then their mother began a close glimpse of ending her life here on this earth.  After repeated setbacks she was flown to St Louis Barnes Hospital.

We waited.  and we prayed.  Today the better news arrived.  Although still critical, this little mommy is improving and should get to come home and raise her children.

If you feel the pull, she could still use your prayers.  Don't you love good news?

Update!  Their names are Giovanna Natalia and Stefania Isabella...  Did I mention this was a happy Italian family?

Little Dark Days... My Favorite!

"Oh, isn't this a pretty day?"  Every time the sky is blue, the sun shines cheerily, the dew falls light...  That's what I hear.  I always nod, agree, and play the game of popular opinion...  But days such as today remain my personal favorites...  Dark, overcast ones with wind, rain, snow, or portent of such... Any patch of Sunshine quickly scuttled by simple gloom...  A typical, November-grey offering

First, I slept in...  Following the confused, excited-for-no-reason, sleeplessness due to the change from Daylight Savings to Standard, I really snuggled in this second day of standard time...  I stole an extra hour and twenty minutes to add to the extra hour I already had!  It. Was. Yummy!!!

I spent the rest of the lovely, cloudy morning at my Sister/cousin's...  Sipping vanilla coffee, nibbling on orange-jalapeño spread on crisp flatbreads...  We took a turn at solving the world problems, but settled for being very grateful for our families...  She is a gentle person---so good to me, so good for me.

Then the rest of the day has simply evaporated into the hours of a little cooking, a smidgen of cleaning, delicious reading, some online Christmas shopping...

Time to slip away in this come-early dusk, slide into my softest nightgown, and drink a hot cup of coffee and Almond Joy creamer in my Mickey Mug...  Oh, what a lazy little bum I have been today...  And no wonder I prefer these dark, cloudy, moody Mondays to event filled Sunshine...  It speaks volumes... But I prefer not to listen.

Indiana Maple Gold...

Once upon a time a little Indiana girl moved during her senior year of high school.  Her very first weekend she met and fell in love with a small town Missouri boy...  Of course, they married on a crisp August afternoon...  And four years later they welcomed a baby daughter, a fairy princess actually...

When that little girl was only three years old, in long ago 1957...  The three made a visit to my Mama's relatives in Indiana.  Her precious Uncle Alta tended a grove of Indiana sugar maples, every spring coaxing a tiny batch of golden sweet syrup.  As the couple and their little daughter left this farm, my great Uncle Alta passed a little sprout, a tiny Maple sprig, planted with a little smidgen of magic, proudly transported in a rinsed out pork and bean can...  Once planted in my Mom and Dad's front yard, the sprout grew... And grew...

And once again, as it has so many years before, this little transplant from Indiana produced an Abundance of November Gold...  Sweet syrup for an Autumn morning from "back home in Indiana," nearly 57 years ago...

Dancing on the Roads of Autumn

Is it possible to think that perhaps my mother and I are dancing?  How amazing to dwell in fragile, clumsy bodies with souls that graceful, swift....pirouette across a horizon made from colors of flame...  We cannot stay in one place...  United by our love for these beautiful, majestic woodland giants, we have traveled close by our home...  Today I'll share road pictures, but tomorrow I'll tell you a story...  A little family legend of a magical golden tree that grew from a bean sprout...

Along Highway 36 to Brookfield...

Even the Moberly business districts had the imagination to plant gorgeous trees.

Moberly Rothwell Park had beauty Lakeside

Finally we head down Meadow Lane, back to my mother's home.