Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Happy 2015

Well, my dears,  it is the new year. May all of you have a beautiful journey the next twelve months. Let's meet back here next year and discuss where we've been.

It has been my custom to join in the practice of dedicating each  year to a special word.  Sparkle, Kindness, Beautiful Life, Creativity... Authenticity a few times,  Gratitude, thank you very much. 

Those are all good choices, and I'd be wise to select one again and try even harder to live up to it. .

But this year my word sings in my head and plays out in my mind. Order, Purpose, Planning, Focus, Organization.  Slow, but Loving. A method to my madness.

My word for 2015 will be CLARITY.

I hope to bring myself and to gently assist (if they so choose ) everyone I love into focus by not being so scattered, by eliminating and concentrating... doing all those things that being done will bring a sharper, tastier, more magical and beautiful life... but this time I'm clear that I can't stay hectic,  won't be successful much of the time,  will definitely need to/have to take some time to ponder and heal...

Have a wonderful, magical,  clear and bright New Year...

Oh, did I tell you that  Mom bought me a super new camera?  I'll be experimenting this year with some new, CLEAR, images... so stay  tuned.

Earlier This Year

After Mom's 90th birthday this summer, she lost a tooth... she went to the dentist and had it pulled after a portion broke ...

Amazingly, she found this card and  some cash underneath her pillow ... Dunno why she says it was from me because my money is on the real Tooth Fairy!!!

Her real middle name isn't Jean,but she pretended all through school it was... guess the fairy honors wishes of all kinds.

Tonight when I was cleaning, I found this card as a bookmark in one of her favorite cookbooks...

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Christmas Goodies

Which way did it go? I often think of that cartoon character who used to say that over and over... Who was that? Hmmmm....... I'm thinking it. Christmas 2014! Wow. That was fast but lovely. We plan to leave the holiday decorations up through January because we didn't really see a lot during December! Most didn't get put out anyway... But kind of like the Whos down in Whoville, "It came without boxes. It came without bows.. It came without tinsel and tags..." However that goes, I love it so much...

This kitty belongs to Jane Treacy on QVC. Cute? Ticked off, actually. I think.

I have no plans for New Year's Eve or New Year. I usually try to fix shrimp... Kind of a family tradition that I started when I moved in with Mom. She likes oysters, so I'm hoping to get her a carton. Not me....

Well, Happy Monday. Have a good week.





Saturday, December 27, 2014

Sounds in the Night...

I once could fall asleep anywhere... Any time. I've been known to sleep in bathtubs, make a bed on marble hospital floors, lie in dreams in the parking lot of malls... Just about anywhere. Call it the sleep of the innocent... Or the trusting...or something other than now. If I had a phone call in the night, I could chat lively, hang up, and turn over and go right back to dreamland. No more.

I bought a Daybed for Mom's dining room during her hospital stay. The idea was for her to sleep on it and be near the room I'd taken as my own here at her house. However, the new bed is too tall, too hard, too... foreign in nature. She was yearning for her own little, lumpy mattress. The bathroom is so near her bedroom. So I took the new Daybed because it is upstairs, nearer to her. There is sooo much more going on ip here. I'm right square in front of a west window... I see more lights, hear more old house sounds, experience the winds, rains, howlings of Missouri winter, which has been warm and eerie. If I drift off a bit, any sound brings me awake. Tonight the wind and rains slash at my window... The furnace register beneath my bed taunts me. I'm hot... Sheet only. I'm frozen! Grab the fur throw...

We had a wonderful Christmas. Mom felt very well, and My son was amazing, as always. Today he's ill with the flu or something. I worry that it's that terrible cellulitis he gets at times. Worry. I never used to worry. I couldn't even. I saw no point. I used to tell my mom and grandmother, veteran worrywarts, "Worry changes nothing, indicates something "less-than" in the person who stews and frets." ..... Oh, well... I agree with my long-ago self, but I do the mental mind crushing anyway. I have concluded worrying slows the clock, drags the living to a menacing halt... It sure makes sleepless nights such as this much, much longer. The better to hear things with, my dears. The better to wonder 
why nerves in my feet never came back to life and pain free health after I let them swell and hurt 
waiting for Mom in the hospital. The better to stew over my son. The better to watch my mom in my mind's memory-eye as she crashed to the ground on Thanksgiving.

Perchance I'll become more accustomed up here. Nothing stays the same. But often I'm not happy with the changes either... I think the best changes are the ones we plan for, the alterations and milestone markers we make happen for ourselves, rather than the ones that just unfold willy nilly upon us. My photo here of Mom on Christmas is so sweet. She loves Whitman chocolates, and my son found a mammoth box! You will see no pictures of me on Christmas. I resemble that character on Frozen... That Olaf creature... Without sleep... Or peace... Not pretty.

Ha ha.... In case you were at all missing my posts, this should fix you. In summary. A grateful, 
blessed Christmas. So much to be thankful for. Just sleepy blogging... And in dire need of my makeup.... (Which is all the way down four whole steps to my other world)..... Which I complained about when I was down there, I believe

Tick tock... My window to the wind..

Hmmmmmmm. Do I think I need a glass of ice water? Or a snack? It's right around this corner...

Doesn't she look pretty in her new dress? I curled her hair on Christmas morning...

Good night.....

Monday, December 22, 2014

Is This the Week?

Hello! Great news!  Mom is home in time for Christmas.  As I look around, the boxes are unwrapped, and the decorations are mostly still in the closet. ..  However,  it is so nice to be home with no hospital visits to make.  25 days. ..  and everyone has been so incredibly kind...

It's a huge adjustment for her, but she's doing better every day.

I've started cleaning and putting away so  many things just plopped where they dropped... who did that, I wonder? Oh, yeah. Moī....

With any luck, I'll find several friends and family to help drink mugs of spiced coffee...

Merry Christmas!

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Where is Christmas?

Outside the warmed wind rattles and scratches against the windows. I can't decide if I'm warm or chilly here in bed beside the cozy space heater. Fingers crossed. Mom may come home on Sunday. I need to work, to prepare, to gather in... But I usually just sleep, shower, go in and sit with her. Probably big changes ahead in the way we negotiate the house. I think it's too soon to really know.
My goal... A warm, safe, quiet Christmas at home with us and anyone else who wanders in. I'm probably not wrapping gifts. What's done was finished before Thanksgiving. None of that really means Christmas. When I was a senior, my family spent the holidays in Quincy Blessing Hospital with my critically ill grandfather. On Christmas Eve night my dad drove through town to look at lights. What I remember are the snippets of families beside the trees, I could glimpse tables alight with candles and faces glowing in the light of those well-lit, C7-bulb trees. At 17, with sixteen happier past holidays, I felt so sad. But it was still Christmas. My Mom and Dad knew where to find it, and I know just where to look, as well.

The dawn today has that famous tint of snow. My car, covered in snow, shouts that it is, indeed, Christmas. I think the weather will bluster and winter forth until noon. Then I still hope to go in to see Mom. Long days in the hospital. Almost ready to be back home again.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Just a little note...

Things are really improving here. Mom continues to feel a little better every day or so. We think and hope she may be home before Christmas. Nothing prepares a person for the shift in life that comes with sudden illnesses and hospital stays. Life activities that seemed important just.... weren't.


We have beautiful family and friends to help us, and the staff members at the hospital have been wonderful.

Thank you for all your kind wishes and prayers. I've been dipping into your Christmas festivities as you post. Lots of holiday beauty and joy going around Blogland.


Peace and love to all of you...



Friday, December 5, 2014

Why I like to clean, even though you might not suspect that...

There are certain household chores that I love, some are okay, and a precious few... Well, I don't like those at all. I must preface all this with the little disclaimer... My house is a rip roaring mess! It's a havoc of leaving out a Turkey or two for Thanksgiving proper, fixing up a few places for the holidays, and Running in and out since Mama got hurt.



In the west window of the dining room, my new $30 white tree with glowing multicolor rosettes of light waits for tis first ornament... But from a distance, the tree looks beautiful, nodding to me there throughout the early night when I set out to take a turn at Mama's bedside in the hospital. I love cleaning up and decorating for holidays.

Last night I spent at home, victim to my painful legs and feet, swollen from a batch of "feet-hanging-down" nights in the ICU. Around midnight, the fridge called it to me, so I spent a happy hour cleaning its content... Some dishes prepared for out little feast that didn't happen made me very sad. Others, like leftover pumpkin pie from our celebration on Sunday made me smile. I've always loved to clean after parties and family celebrations... It's like putting it all to bed with happy thoughts of all the guests that were there.

My mind wanders... I know. I need to be careful because it's too little to be out wandering alone! I think of the famous Poem about the tuft of daffodils. I think about how tough my mother is, and how fragile. I consider the kindness of everyone and the sacrifices of a life of service spent in the field of nursing.

Tonight two of my students from years gone by are tending both to my mother and to me. They've brought me a weird little cot to stretch out and elevate these veins.. They've tended my mother and reassured her. At times they've made important decisions to ease her misery. Imagine an old, tired back. Now imagine that it is almost entirely covered in bruises. There you have my poor little Mama.... So miserable.


I'm not going to preach at any of us. We all know the fragility and preciousness of our lives and relationships. We've all squandered that stuff that life is made of.... A little or a lot. Have a lovely weekend.







Thursday, December 4, 2014

A Brief Message of Our Status

We are in the hospital.

On Thanksgiving, right after I fixed a little lunch of Mama's favorite snacks, I said, "It's ready." She stood up to make a restroom break, lost her balance, and fell right before my horrified eyes. She fell so hard, hit her back on an ottoman, broke her glasses and was bleeding on the floor. I called 911. They made the call to go 50 miles to a Trauma Center.

She has two broken ribs, some broken bones in spine, and a hematoma on her back roughly the size of a beach ball. For a day or two it looked as if internal bleeding would require surgery, but it stopped. Had transfusions and had platelets.

Spent the weekend in ICU and surgical intensive care. Monday we were discharged to travel by ambulance to Local Swingbed (20 days moderate care) before we hope to come home. Ambulance took 9 hours to be available today, and the ride made her nauseated. I sent my son home. He has been her rock, the only person she would let lift her. Understandably, she doesn't want to fall again, and she cannot tolerate pressure on that poor, little back. He is patient, gentle, strong... A true gem.

I'm sitting by a beautiful window overlooking my home town. Mom is sleeping. The hospital staff has been overall excellent in both facilities. A couple of snafus, but mostly good, better, and great! My friends and sister/cousin, all of them, {@ } have been my constant supporters. They have visited, sat with me, called, texted, gifted, and prayed. From here I can go home often at all hours of day and night, too. Ready and hopeful for a fairly speedy recuperation! Prayers and positive good wishes will be treasured.

In the meantime and certainly so very important to me, I lost one of my dearest friends on Friday. I will forever miss her sparkle. Whenever you see a Full Moon, think of my dear Nellie. I heard she was waving at me and blowing a kiss the last time I talked to her daughters. How sweet can that memory be?