Looking Around

I think my blog has taken a turn for the worst. I don't remember how or why or when, but this blog used to be more, hold more substance, speak from my heart. I forgot how to do that here. Perhaps so many of my personal friends and family members started to read it that I opted to be more positive. But that isn't really the answer. It might be my incessant desire to "fake it until I make it." I think maybe I started writing my blogs from bed on a laptop and using only one hand to type. Anyway... I looked up Memorial Day in the search box, read some of my earlier posts, and it hit me my messages  now of late have been simply table settings, cats, a few snippets of home decor, and maybe a lake shot or two...  Insert random full moon picture from the very same window through the very same locust trees. 

Honestly. Hard truth. My life has grown that little. I look around me in total shock. Then... I was young. I had a huge family with generations before me and the promise of a line to follow. I had over a hundred young people filtering in and out of my living classroom. I walked everywhere, and I dreamed and laughed with the ignorance naivete of one who has known very little loss. Neither I nor my son had a chronic illness. I watched TV or movies and felt a similarity with the characters, a kinship that my life and theirs could almost be the same. Not only could I dance with the stars, I could actually be one if I chose.

I have always been a thinker. My life doesn't always reflect that because I have made hundreds of dumb, stupid, undirected moves. However, introspection, planning, and reflection have forever been my companions. Even so, I "never saw this a-comin'." I am more shocked than anyone to shake my head and look around at this life I have. I would never have thought my grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, students, and abilities would one day be relegated to beautiful memories. Now--- before I sound pitiful, I stand in joy. Blessed I am to have a son like mine. I say with all honesty and passion that I wouldn't trade my life for anyone's. Yes, I would love to see him feel better because we all know how we worry about our kids. Yes, I would adore to slip on some sandals and go shopping off-line, lug in my own sacks, and have a place to put them. And yes, I would love to see more family around our table. My son and I often marvel at the stark difference between holidays with two vs. holidays with the same two plus a "headstrong/ wonderful, prima dona/ give you the shirt off her back, no-nonsense/ fairy magical" mom and granny we lost a year and a half ago. I have totally dropped the ball! I made a dopey chicken casserole for Easter and a roast for Thanksgiving, for Pete's sake!!!!!  Do you hear what I'm saying? I've lost my mojo!

My purpose for this post begins and ends with the observance that Oatmeal and Whimsy has become just a little too much very dry oats with just a dusting of too-silly of a whimsy. No amount of wishing, tears, anxiety attacks at  a.m., or denial will return this girl to her former self. There are some hard truths about our life here I do not wish or need to belabor. You can thank me later! (grin.)

Art imitates life, I hear. So the empty, honestly often-faked sparkle of these posts reflects the need for evolution on the part of the author. I am certainly going to share my cat pictures... and my table settings.. and of course, my old friend ---- the Moon...  But I think I will drop the pretense of  "I'm always fine"...stuff. Okay? You can trust me not to burden you with a litany of the woes of being me, but I am going to try to recover the spirit and voice of the author this blog once revealed. If.... I can find her. I know she "looks" different. How could she not? In my zest not to join the ranks of those who truly do answer on and on with symptom and pain chronicles the greeting, "How are you?" I have opted to try to disappear into the woodwork. Now, everyone who knows me realizes that "disappearing" just isn't my thing...

Memorial Day awakes. I will be serving three very traditional meals purchased from the Altar Society of my dear Bevier. It is a family tradition we have shared for many years. We will have baked ham and garlic green beans, home made bread, garlic slaw, potato salad... and chocolate pie. The little fat girl in me gets kinda happy about all that...  ha ha...

Come back soon...










Whimsy and Hugs!