Good morning! I hear the load of towels in my washer as they rotate through another round of cleaning, and I think about what they must be thinking... Dizzy, drowning... then warm and cozy and quite happy to be all bundled and folded next to their comrades until... another cycle of ... what we call life.
I made a kind of promise to myself not to fill the blog with all kinds of sad things... years ago when nothing was really sad. So, just know your words of kindness and sympathy are all so very appreciated. I had no idea that blogging could bring such wonderful people into my life, but it did. It was such fun to whip up my chair to Mama's bed and run through the list of where people were logging in... She was always amazed and kind of proud with that little Mama thing that felt like it was something HER DAUGHTER did that made a blog be visible around the world... I really didn't explain because it made her happy to think that. And in turn, it made me happy, too...
I am poised on the threshold of many decisions, but one of them has to be rearranging furniture. Those of you who have that "gene" know just what I mean. I always love to rearrange, even if I am just cleaning the house. It makes me so happy to see all the wonderful treasures against a new wall, a new temporary showcase or home. Well, right now I am rearranging for me... for a little nod to myself that yes, this is my home now. Mama had kept this furniture in the vary same place once she made room for it at varying times of purchase. My son laughed that he had never seen even a figurine in a different spot his entire lifetime of 35 years. I haven't moved anything.... yet, but it has to be soon. I feel too much of a "where is she?" presence, and although that isn't horrid, it's just sadder than sad.... and quieter than quiet... and .... it won't get better for me until I do something. Ah, Gramma... Her words are so dear to me, "Do something. Even if it's wrong." Those little phrases from my childhood have served me just fine... and believe me, I have done some things that very definitely WERE wrong! But we won't dwell on those here today.
We got a skiff of snow.. I just looked up the definition of the word skiff, and per the Oxford Dictionary, it may have come from the colloquial Scottish verb meaning to lightly move across a surface barely touching it... and it is used in the Northern parts of the country to describe a light breeze, light rainfall, or light snowfall. Skiff can also be a little light boat that scoots across the water, barely touching its glazed surface... I love words. Of all the gifts given to us, some value music, some art, some food or nature. There is power in all of those, I admit, but to me, perhaps either because of or the reason for my 36 years teaching Language Arts... words seem the most powerful. It must have meant a lot to God, as well, for he used the term "Word" to describe his son.
Well, I have chosen the menu for Sunday, and gathered most of the ingredients. I have ordered the notes to send to thank our dear friends and family for the lovely tributes and gifts and hours of their lives they so lovingly dedicated to helping Mama, my son, and me. I have done the laundry and planned the details of the big furniture move. I could go for a big pizza right now if I had a car, but it's on loan STILL to my son as his truck finally gets close to being repaired.
I am thinking that I certainly didn't have all that much to do when I was "faunching at the bit" during my care-giving days... thinking I could be doing my own life... and all those desperate things a caregiver might often think... I guess I still have monumental things to do... and I still don't really do them... My Gramma... besides the other statement, she always laughed about piled up chores... "They'll be there!" she would laugh.... And they are.... My Gramma didn't "sweat the load" much, and that's one gift she gave me that I appreciate when the load looks pretty huge.
To be further literal this morning, I looked up "Faunch"... there seems to be a difference in faunching at the bit and "chomping at the bit"... "chomping or champing" is to say one is pumped and ready, while "faunching" is from the Southwest and means to have anger and frustration but have to go anyway... So yeah... "Faunch" is correct here... Whooo... I do need a day job!
Thanks for listening and for being there through the years. I love you much!