What is so personal about nights? I just want to know why I am so intensely territorial about my nighttime routine. I rather willingly mold and calibrate my daily round to accommodate all sorts of changes, interruptions, and chores... But set a big toe inside the sacred circle of my precious nights, and you may not come out with all your ears and toes! I am joking, somewhat, but I do notice how cranky I am at nights.
It's not that I want to sleep because I don't always want that. I just want to be ME at that time. Sleep if I want. Eat if I want. Watch TV, fiddle around with a computer, move the entire living room to another location.... Whatever! I am definitely a night creature, and I don't share very well.
At the risk of being overly introspective, I've written in my journal and done a bit of discussing of this personal phenomenon. I guess I just came up with the fact that I'm a people pleaser, an only child, and a night owl. I am severely used to the idea that when I say goodnight, barring some kind of emergency, I'm done with all those issues. I no longer have to please anybody. I do not have to grade papers, wash windows, say yes when I mean no, agree with opposite ideas put forth by the media, a kindred soul, or my mother... I'm just ME. Totally, happily me sitting around in my comfiest nightgown and slurping icy water from a favorite glass... Talking on the phone to whomever I want to, and reading parts of books, writing parts of stories, coloring parts of doodles...
In the past, I always enjoyed a little cat on my lap during these personal voyages to the core of my spirit. Unfortunately no cat resides in my domain, and unfortunately my mother has a bit of an issue with nights herself. She often sleeps through the night, but she also often has rather random, totally unnecessary bits of "urgency" she want to discuss, such as next year's Christmas candy for the UPS man, itemized deductions for the IRS, odd recipes and occasional residents of the community who have long since moved or passed away. And I NEVER know how long my self-proclaimed autonomy will last if I start a silly project, close my eyes to sleep, or push play on a movie I've been wanting to see... And it seems absolutely stupid to really care in the great scheme of things. But... I'm being honest here. And I do care evidently. A bunch!
So I explain to Mama one more morning that I'm not actually angry or snotty with her during the night. It's just my nature to be kind of that X-eyed sleeping monster creature from midnight to seven A.M. She always gets it, but then she is kind of forgetful during the night because she has some kind of a deal with the dark... We are working it out. I'm getting enough sleep with naps and stuff... I'm just adapting.. poorly I might say... But any progress is, after all, PROGRESS. Have a good weekend. Take two Tylenol and call me in the morning. IN THE MORNING, I said.. haha..
Whimsy and Hugs!