Mom's Story

My mother told me a funny story today. She has turned into quite a comedian since her stroke.

She is wanting to eat and drink, but they won't let her until she passes the swallow test. I'm not supposed to get the thickener until she is approved by the swallow therapist. The struggle is real. We can't let her aspirate. This is what she thinks of all the time. Her throat is so dry. She is on a feeding tube, but she misses regular food.

So today she asked if she could tell me a story she'd heard "Somewhere."

I said yes. So Mom began to talk:

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Once upon a time there was a house in Missouri in the country. One day some people knocked on the door and walked in. They were so surprised to find an old, old lady asleep in a hospital bed right in the middle of the front room. "What happened to you?" They asked.

The old, old lady said, "Well, I had a stroke." Then she started to cough. And she coughed and she coughed and she coughed.

Everybody said, "Are you all right?"

"Yes. I just need a drink of water."

Her daughter said, "I'm sorry. You can't have water until we get some thickener."

Then the old lady kept on coughing, and she coughed and coughed.

"Are you all right?" The people asked.

"Yes. I just need a little sip of Diet Coke, and  I'll be fine."

Her daughter said, "I'm sorry. You can't have any Diet Coke until we get some thickener."

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Mom looked at me and asked if I wanted to hear the rest, and I did.

She continued:

Well, it has two endings. One is this:

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The old old lady kept coughing, and nobody would give her water, and nobody would give her Diet Coke, so her head just flew of her body and hit the wall. The end.

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I asked about ending number two.

Mom finished :

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One of the women who visited took over. She was so nice. She said, "I don't give a darn what the committee said about the thickener." So she gave the old woman a sip of Diet Coke, and she was fine. The coughing stopped. The end.

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I added Mom where she heard that story....

Mama looked at me so funny and said, "Well, Silly, I just made it up." She paused a minute and added.  "You are in that story."

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Indeed.