It has nearly been two years for me since I was a teacher, my 37-year choice of career. I am incredibly grateful the situations led me to retirement and allowed me the freedom to step up to the calling of caregiving. Because of my mother's fall and decline in health, I think I would have had to quit at Thanksgiving this year if I hadn't already. My world is full of preparations, thoughts, and projects. However, I have lately been dreaming of the classroom. Sometimes in my dream I am aware I am leaving the profession, and I am crying in the actual dream. That door is shut. For age, health, and many good reasons, I'm done with teaching. I have zero desire to write lessons or other related choices. No substituting for me. I loved having my classroom and my students... Nothing more and definitely nothing less...
But just for fun I thought I'd make a list of what I miss and what I don't.... It's just for fun... I'd like to dream of something new, something fun, something positive... Maybe setting it all out will "put it to bed."
What I Miss!
Hitting the road in the early sun, feeling as if I'm a part of the big picture.
Crossing paths with nearly 100 other humans every day... Laughing, interacting, listening in on life as it unfolds.
Constantly adjusting, presenting, evaluating how to share and teach the miracle of writing, literature, or creativity.
Looking forward to weekends and holidays...spilling forth from the school with compadres also exhilarated with newfound freedom.
Looking for... And finding.... the "good" in everyone.
The happy positivity of youth...nailing my spirit to the world of hope.
Somewhere to wear my sweaters, my jewelry, my stuff...
Being a vital part of plans for Prom, dates, new cars, and other teen things.
What I Don't Miss!
Looking in the eyes of some student who swears the computer "ate" his homework.
The feeling there is no time in the day to do what I need to do.
Needing more freedom and time to care for Mom.
There is no time for going in to the kitchen for a mid morning cup of coffee...
Never having two days in a row to decorate and prepare for holidays.
Listening to a student insist they just "happened" to have a "word for word" version of an essay off the internet. "Oh, no! I didn't copy/paste."
State Department nonsense that tried to dominate the time spent on actual teaching.
The stress and importance put on state testing.
I remind myself of a draft horse who balks a little at the door or gate of each new pasture or stall... As much as I love, love, love new things, fresh experiences, open horizons..., I do a lot of clinging to the past. I want to reduce analyzing and increase living each day.