Thursday, February 27, 2014

Looking closely to the now...

Stress. It's a really evil part of the composition of most worlds. Those of us with autoimmune issues find out that stress simply sizzles the wires... And we're sick... Or done... Burned at the base of the brain. No good to anyone or ourselves.

Throughout my years as a teacher, my energy was five parts adrenaline, one part caffeine. Deadlines moved my world, including the big ones such as Christmas, grade cards, visitors!!

Ritual, routine, schedules, exercises--- "Not my style," I'd sneer like Might Casey at the Bat... (But hey, he struck out, right? Left all his fans in defeat and disappointment.)

Give me three days of "procrastinated work" and I could polish every smidgen of that up in one good all-nighter.

Individuals have pride in all sorts of things. Some can drink everyone under the table, I hear. Some color code their closets. Some boast about letting others save the day. Me? I bragged on the amount of work I could do if I poured enough stress into my psyche. Well. Wasn't. That. Dumb?

And I have the brittle spirit to prove it. And the illnesses. And the clutter. Filter in the absolute onslaught by the media to provoke abject despair, fear, and panic, thus ensuring the citizenry will 1. purchase, 2. purchase on credit, 3. purchase and waste .....because we actually didn't need it ..... or want it to begin with.

I look toward my roots, my solid, hard-working parents and grandparents. Despite brewing trouble, war, and hundreds of other very real pressures, I remember my grandparents as unusually collected, calm, happy people. Perhaps they put that face forward for me, their granddaughter, more than for others... But I sense their "happiness" relied more on the lack of selfishness, on the presence of work and hobbies, and on a more narrow perspective, if not a naïveté regarding the widespread misery of the whole freaking world...

My dad, more than once, began a huge project with just a small, insignificant step. I remember gazing in hopelessness at dozens of burned light fixtures after my school fire...  Bit by bit, he rubbed, polished, dipped, painted...reclaiming finally the whole lot. With a single stitch, my grandmothers initiated a quilt or blanket. I can see my mother's sparkle as she pressed a hopeful seed into the damp garden rows, yielding jeweled quarts of pressure canned vegetables for our winter' stable.

I turned my focus toward work, others, projects, and the spirit today.  I didn't hang on Facebook, or troll through the news... Just one pleasant double crochet after another... Listening to the inherent wisdom of the past. Dialing back the stress.


wendy said...

Wonderful post. I too today after going to a meeting, went home and just played around with some homemade paper, pictures, glue and generally had a quiet afternoon with just my thoughts and creativity. Some days we just need to step back, and start, like you said.. A stitch at a time. Have a wonderful day!

ND said...

Great post, Gayla. I, too, have always been Wonderwoman..often to my own detriment. My kids and husband always thought I was a miracle worker and I find that I can still work circles around others. I feel guilty doing anything less, I guess. NOT GOOD! xo Diana

Tessa~ Here there be musing said...

Excellent post....

Yes, our bodies rebel against many of the things, we do to them. And we should not be surprised. But we are. -sigh-

And one of the horrors of our world, is the ability to be constantly bombarded with "the news." Most of which, we can not do anything about anyway. Just get stressed. For nothing.

And the constant bombardment of sell, sell, sell, buy, buy, buy... "If you buy this, you will be happy." Etc. Etc. Etc.

Oh to turn it all off. Only pay attention to our own little life/circle. Only fuss about what we can change. And never equate happiness with things.

Gentle hugs,

bj said...

Awesome post and so so true.
Growing up, we had no mother (I didn't know either of my grandmothers as they passed before I was born) stayed busy with gardening, canning, cooking, and lots of crafts. She was so talented (and I didn't get a lick of it) and she was seldom stressed out. Keeping busy helps EVERYone, I think.

From My Country Sunrise said...

Oh, the word stress~~we afficiate on that word so much and causes such health issues and usually things do turn out better~~I believe our coffee times are so relaxing and I love those tiimes we spend together~~~Hope soon you can come out here and have a moment to breathe~~As soon as this ice is gone~~You have so much to deal with right now and your stitches are helping I know and they are soo beautiful~~I love you and always here for you as you have been for me♥

Maria said...

~ A post so true to the heart.. I feel much the same, drawing much strength from my roots..It's lovely to meet you Gayla and I thank you for popping into my little corner of blog land and leaving the kindest words....~ Take time to dream...
Hugs Maria x