Friday, July 26, 2013

Long Summer Nights

Long summer nights...  Where do they lead us?  I have long wondered why the soul swelters and burns during the summer nights... sometimes with a passion for living, and sometimes with a restlessness beyond the scope of our rational thought.  I know that something about the rhythm of the swarming creatures in the night combines with the moon, the fog, and the heat of the day...  and I just want to run.

Running is not an option for me this summer.  Both reality and obligation, loving devotion and integrity keep me tight in the cocoon of this little room.  Tonight large boxes lie strewn everywhere.  Some are filled with huge purchases made spur of the moment for next Christmas.  Now, on closer thought, maybe a bad buy because they take up so much space, cost so dear, and simply add to my total confusion.  A few sit empty in the hope I will fill them and pack them off to a charity or auction--- anything to alleviate the space suffocation I am feeling, the clutter clutching at me from all corners of my world.

Ever logical, I am trying to trace my steps back a few days to discover what is causing this feeling of drowning in the dark and cringing in the daylight.  I am usually pretty steady, ebullient, basically content.  It has been a long time since such restlessness gripped me and caused me such nonsense, sleeplessness, and truly cranky disposition.

I suppose it is a combination of things too numerous to count.  Last night I made an after-dark run to Macon with something my son needed...  Even though the whole round trip took only twenty minutes, the cool night wind through my car windows combined with the extraordinary full moon coming up on fire in the East..  I think I put a magical spell on myself...  I have missed the moonrise, and the orange greeting along my peripheral vision was overwhelming...  I stopped the car mid-highway (no cars coming) and mentally hugged it hard.

Coming down Mom's driveway, the moon turned to silver and whistled me inside...

1 comment:

NanaDiana said...

Oh Gayla. I wish I could help you. I am helping my friend go through the same pangs that you are having. We have been sorting through her house and it is hard. I am so sorry that you seem to be dealing with depression, Gayla....but it is understandable with all that you have gone through in the near past. I am so so sorry. You are in my prayers. xo Diana