Thursday, June 13, 2013
The Blue Hour
In the pure, quiet, magic of pre-dawn, the blue hour creeps around the periphery of our house. Visible more through a camera lens than the naked eye, it colors the landscapes just beginning to assimilate from their night time of obscurity. The world awaits my dreamer soul. Blue, my long-lost favorite color, reigns for its moments of shy glory at the beginning and ending of each day.
We swim back into ourselves, leaving our nests of warm, drowsy comfort, drawing our minds into alertness, into the persona we must assume for that day... It is a time almost too late to sit and decipher that momentous question. Of course, wondering girl, we are indeed ourselves... But for some, that essential core creature remains a bit of a mystery.
I have never had the thought of so many days without boundaries. What must comprise each 24 hour span? How can I best reach something worth attaining? In a lifetime of either structure or exhaustion, there has been little room for searching for authenticity. Teachers are warm, honest, oh, so positive, even genuine... But not always authentic... The truth that was each student... Equaled much more importance than my own... Kind of like mothering, mentoring, or modeling, my life took on a shape suited for the one in charge....
I was up for the challenge of being in charge of others.... But it is vitally different to take control over myself, for myself... I imagine myself woefully behind the mark in this department. What happened at eighteen for many has tarried thirty more years for me. So, in the wee still hours of the blue times... I'm thinking, thinking, thinking... It does not show to the naked eye...only through the magical lens of prayer.
No school for one whole, delicious month... And none in the horizon... Like the clouds curling, receding away from the dawn.... My past is melting away through the blue wash of transition to the new....