Legend has it Shirley Temple's mother always pulled our little darling aside and whispered, "Sparkle, Shirley, Sparkle" as she tap danced her way into America and my mother's heart... so it is with a nod to my dear Mother and to Shirley that I attempt to master the art of sparkle-ing this year, this brand new, snowy white night...
I was born with glitter in my veins. Sadly, my life doesn't always rarely shows it. I blame only myself, and according to all the self help books, we aren't supposed to blame ourselves and dwell on the past. Truth is... I am afraid to sparkle.
It's the pessimism that erodes me in the day to day world. I think it would be a pity to sparkle, to truly glow and then--- and then--- something bad might happen. Something awful might befall me or worse, someone I love. Then wouldn't I feel stupid for sparkling ten minutes before a tragedy like that? I have analyzed it. I do feel that way. So I have to get around that fear of losing someone, something... I have to go ahead and sparkle... I believe the stars will twinkle one nanosecond before they go out.... twinkle and be gone. I love that... Be that star, I am telling myself.
Money... I have almost none.. I think it would be easier to sparkle with money because then I could be dashingly generous.... But generosity is truly measures by gifts of another color. It is measured with patience, and true generosity comes from the soul... I can have that.
I AM happy inside... I really am. Sometimes people think I'm melancholy, a general old Eeyore of a person... but I'm actually a chippy little bird that likes to feather and putter and be happy.... Believe it or not.
And spirit does live within me. God has given me so many blessings. Can people see them glow from the inside out? I hope so. I dedicate this year to making it more translucent, more radiant from within... Even as I write this, I cringe.. I fear something bad will make me eat those words.. I have developed some kind of breaking down in light of the news and of just living and caring for these many years.... I want not to care... but that is impossible. I so care.. so lately I have wanted not to know...
I have come to the patent conclusion that all people do care, but they do not wish to listen to complaints... On and on... or even for a moment... and the world is too much with us with its lamenting cries and complaints and whines and moans and screeching out of control that we haven't been given our just dues of joy, health, money, romance, respect... you name it... Yet--- Sparkle requires an honest answer. We cannot lie and say we are happy when we are not. We have to do better than that. That is like pouring glitter on an open wound... We have to be honest and then move on to focus on a bright ray of refracted light.
Calm... with a little flutter of activity.. Diamonds, glitter, icy water-- they all sparkle more when they are moving a little... the light bends and refracts and sends off an array of rainbow lights... I need activities of the mind, spirit, body, and heart... that is a prerequisite for sparkling.
I have to believe it is valuable to take the time to shine. I am worth it because all of you deserve to be around someone who has taken the care to tend to herself.... You can tell when a kitty feels happy and good... She lies down and gives herself a little once over with her sandpaper tongue, and she smooths her fur... and she purrs... and she naps in the only ray of sun there is... My word for the year could have been nap... but that isn't really a good goal... is it???? If you guys say the word, I might consider changing my word!
I hope to be able to recite this at the end of 2013 and note that I have done my best to make it come true... I am enough. I am not the Me I could have been if.... I am not the best mom, best teacher, best friend, best anything.. I am not my dad, who was, although not perfect, definitely more... but I am all that I am.. enough.
Dearest Audrey... wisdom from my girl... She truly sparkled... With a character like Holly Go-lightly to her credit, how could she smolder? She had to sparkle...
That means to arise, shine and sparkle... to school... to clean at home... to work... and to play... My friends tell me that means to sleep more... I wish I could sparkle without sleep, but I think when someone does that, they may really be on fire and incinerating instead of sparkling.. Just saying... That sounds dangerous.
I have a lot of goals this year, dreams really... I think I may retire. I am not sure, but I feel more like it than ever in my life. Retirement better not be boring.. My friends assure me it is anything but... I wish for something fun to fill my life so I can fill up and fill other's lives with fun, too...
My dreams never have deadlines. I believe it is time to honestly allow some of those old dreams to take a long nap... and to get some new ones that might just happen...
What is that for people? For me it is fixing a meal for my family, writing a good post for a blog or a nice long letter to a friend... creating something from paper, lace, and ephemera... reading, laughing, talking, playing games like Scrabble and Spinner... and Sparkle.. (It's not really a game, but wouldn't it be fun if it were?)
I looked up diamonds and sparkling in a scientific way, and it produced such a wonderful explanation. It seems a diamond is a substance hard enough to truly refract light in rainbow, dancing hues... That is a tough calling for a country pearl like me... But it sounds fun to try.
Do you guys think sparkling will require me to get new shoes? I don't really like new shoes, as mine will attest... Two or three years old and don't I know they look it... I could put a big star on the strap.... Nah... better find something new.
One precious life. Over at a blink of an eye... It is time I lived it while I can. I love God, and I know with all my heart he loves me... I just don't always live like it. Need I say more about the Ultimate Source of Light?
So here on this last tiny minute of the old year, I set this post to flash onto my horizon at exactly midnight.. And dear, dear Bloggers... I thank all of you who have helped me by sparkling in your own worlds. You daily inspire me, and encourage me, and give me confidence in the good of this world, in its effervescence and triumphs... in its sparkle.