Absent with or without leave....

It has been a while...  and where have I been?  That is actually a very good question.  For some odd reason, the holidays this year are finding me exhausted, depleted...  a bit overwhelmed, feeling a tidge sorry for myself...  I don't like to blog any of that, so I've just simply been hiding out.

While I don't feel I'm at the end of a long life looking back, I don't feel quite like I'm at the beginning of anything either..  Maybe simply in the center of a busy thoroughfare with other travelers pursuing much harder their dreams...  Mom received great news from the surgeon this week, and I'm very grateful for that.  Yet....She really doesn't feel well at all, and her pain from gout and other things is palpable in the atmosphere..  I find it difficult to decide whether to be cheerful to help the mood of the place...  or be sad....  So typical of myself, I simply sort of shut down a bit...

Then there's the issue of this full moon...  She is breathtakingly beautiful, and this is the one season of the year I can actually see a glimpse of her from my bed.  While I lie there with my soul searching out the skies, I think of my bay window at home where I made my bed for years...  Once a person like me has bathed in the moonlight, a little spit bath like this is simply not enough...  But all the eastern windows are spoken for in this house...  Mom's house...

Christmas decorations are curling at our feet, so in a few days I will have something to report, I hope...  That is, if I can stop being a spoiled little child long enough to enjoy the beauty right around me and stop "mooning" over the life I left behind in my old house...  One would think three years would be sufficient to stop homesickness...  I am properly ashamed of myself, but it doesn't stop what I feel.  Living with someone in her 80's seems to be aging to me...  I seem to feel I have to speak my mind, too...  for we all know women in their eighth decade pride themselves on "speaking what's on their mind"....  at least mine does...  My prayer must be to change what's on my mind to only the good, only the true, only the beautiful...

School?  School, you ask?  Well, what might we think of 120 something students all purling around my desk with some kind of malady, excuse, issue with the Internet...  something...  I love those kids, but they have been exceptionally needy lately...  My 29 Spanish students are learning Thanksgiving words, and if it weren't for that, I might be missing that holiday altogether...  I have my decor in mind...  I have the tools...  We are celebrating on Sunday after Thanksgiving.  It will be a celebration no matter what day to have my whole family together along with some new ones...

So walk into my dream home here with me and sit in my bay window that is definitely facing the east...  Together we will watch the sun rise...  the moon, and the geese fly through the rose tinged skies...  Happy Thanksgiving week...  I may not be back, but I am scooting around the edges...  Hugs to all...