Saturday, March 20, 2010

Fleeting spring moments



I snapped these pictures two weeks ago, and we were excited to see the first vestiges of green. Dartha will soon lose her pretty green coat, and the lake will become that summer haven of green leaves and deep waters... But tonight we are facing a new snowfall.... It won't last long, but our irises are six inches tall... I always hate to see the frosts of spring cut down the promise of bloom.

What a long and dreary week! I am NOT a fan of Daylight Savings time, and I simply felt like an old "barr" that had crawled out of her den a tidge too early. I love the late night... and time after time this week, I found myself up past three, past four to the new time... Understandably, I dragged all day.... but no rest for the wicked, they say. I am happy to see it's Friday, and I can be up at a late date and not feel the pressure of my morning alarm playing, "Old Time Rock and Roll." That tune can get a bit old at 6 a.m after only two hours of sleep...

The big mental debate is on. Do I retire or do I go another year? When I consider retiring, I usually get excited, think about the possibilities of writing a book, opening an online shop to go with the one I have in Bevier, finding a new avenue to pursue... I am excited and challenged. I have done what I do long enough, and this year found me weary and dreading the days more and more.. The money I get for teaching is only a couple of hundred more than what I'd get for retirement...

Then I decide. I'll retire... and I begin to cry, either for real or in my spirit... I watch an episode of that amazing new NBC show, "Who Do You Think You Are?" and I realize I could use the Lisa Kudrow episode with Night, and I could use the Sarah Jessica Parker episode with The Crucible. I think of never revealing the secrets of Poe's "Masque of the Red Death," or I consider a year that doesn't include leading Helen Keller out to the pump in The Miracle Worker and watching again as water and language enter her world... I consider a year without papers to grade (did you know I love papers and miss them in the summer?) and I think about not using my new SmartBoard to show the new episodes of BBC's Spanish series, Mi Vida Loca....

So I think I have decided to go back. Then I realize the state is demanding yet another update of curriculums (the third in four years with new numbers to correspond to the same standards. I think about the lack of discipline I have with my freshmen. I realize their "funnies" aren't nearly as cute as they used to be... I think about all the mornings I could spend enjoying the rest I guess I have earned.... And I'm back in the tick tock of my eternal Spring dilemma...

Well, enjoy your Saturday.... dig out of the snow if you must!@

2 comments:

Maggey and Jim said...

Very poignant! My BFF has gone back to teaching(Jr.College) but she hates papers..
Maggey
After retiring its just a whirlwind of constant nothings..We love it...

Laurie said...

Tough position to be in! I work at a school (attendance clerk) and there are a few teachers in your position - they could retire but are undecided. I think it is the misbehavior of so many students that really threatens to push them over the edge, and also the curriculum/standards changes, as you mention.

My job is more of a "for fun" thing with the money pretty insignificant. This is my second year there. I sometimes wonder if it is worth it, but for me, it is my only opportunity to mingle with other adults besides my husband. I feel like it has really been helpful to me and my husband agrees. I needed to be out amongst people. I also enjoy the middle schoolers (my own child is now a freshman).

I think it is a good idea to consider what type of social interactions you will keep up in your retirement. I have no doubt you could keep busy with so many things!

Good luck with your decision.