Reality vs Fiction

When I was a little girl, my parents drove me by this house and I stared lovingly at the whole thing from my window in the back seat. Sometimes I could get my mother to drive by a second time... The picture below doesn't do that area justice. It is a very low valley with crags, rocks, and evidently a winding path of stairs... It is beyond that tree row on the left of the upper picture... It was and still is my house called, "fairyland." I imagined I lived there and actually believed if I did, I could probably develop a friendship with the fairies that no doubt made it their home. It is still beautiful... It still makes me wonder.... fiction... Reality: I couldn't any more get to the bottom of that valley and back up again than fly to the top of the roller coaster roof. That house is a "look at" house, just like the dolls my aunt used to collect were "look at" dolls, rather than the good kind you play with.

While driving along, I spotted an interesting bridge, and although I knew I couldn't drive across, I thought I could get closer and see the other side. Reality: It was a convoluted hunk of metal lying on a pile of debris... No bridge to anywhere.... but I did manage to snap a shot of Queen Anne's lace. This lovely "flower" is actually a weed,they say, but I have picked many huge bouquets of it in my day. I love the look... It's better left on the stem outdoors because it lasts such a short time in a vase of water...

My mind is kind of on stun lately... maybe for the past couple of years, gradually getting worse. I told Lisa in an email that I'm functioning with most of my circuits turned off... I choose to live with my brain in the sleep mode but my daily round on screen saver.... So what you see isn't what you get... I can't remember squat. I have technology issues with my new hardware at school. The kids come Monday. I still don't love living here. My Mom isn't feeling very healthy. My son isn't all that thrilled with his situation. My cat lives elsewhere, and I never see her. . Some of my friends and relatives are stressed to their breaking points... I just feel that I've fizzled out at living and am doing a pretty rotten job of seizing the day, moment... you know.. So, what I'm asking is for you to leave your best self help routine in a comment.. What do you do when you get these feelings? If you don't get them, tell me that, too. I need to know if I'm the Lone Ranger on this one or if it's fairly common... I don't wanna wallow in self pity, but I need to get a grip... Taking time for me... doesn't work. I have no clue what to do with me when I get me.. ha ha... Hugs!