Addiction... Dependence.... and Fear...

Okay. To those of you who know me and have seen me lately, this blog entry is no surprise. It does, however, come as a surprise to me. I am amazed at what I am about to say. MY SHOES ARE HORRENDOUS. There. To my mother who has been screaming this for years, yes years. To my friends who have simply smiled and ignored my feet, and to my students who probably have dubbed me the fat teacher with those awful shoes... I see it... But truthfully, it has reached such a crisis I know not what to do.

I bought these shoes from Land's End Catalog one sunny day by phone.. I saw them in a catalog and thought, "Hey! comfy looking sandals." At the time I walked a lot, went up and down stairs kind of easily, had a home and a pretty fully life. I also had a whole closet full of shoes.... dressy flats mostly, a few sandals, a pair of flip flops... a nice pair of tenny runners for my fouro mile walks.... Uh, yeah... that was EIGHT years ago. I bought them in the spring of 2000. I'm not sure when they migrated to the top of the list of shoes to wear. I only know that gradually other shoes died the way all good shoes do... but these insidiously refused to go that way.

Then came some fairly sizable life/health changes. I have fairly cruddy arthritis that is a real pain if you get my meaning! I have had a back muscle spasm that refuses to allow me to stand or walk for more than a minute or two... With all this marvelous invalid-ness I have acquired many extra pounds... And some of you know the rest... Extra weight= less walking=extra weight=less walking.... the perpetuality of the old fat lady that stumps around looking for a chair. That's me.

But lest you think this is a woe to be me entry, I will get back to the shoesies.... I began somehow to wear these babies every day.. I wear them in winter with hose, with black hose, navy hose, tan hose, and with heavy socks if I have to be outside... yep... I just smiled when people said, "I can't believe you wear sandals in the snow." I think I secretly hoped they believed me to be some lost in the sixties beatnik.... not an old lady whose feet hurt too much to get new shoes. For many years after a big closet purge, these were the only shoes I owned... Often I have purchased a couple of cute pair of shoes throughout the course of the year. I have a neat pair of leather tennis shoes, a glitzy flat with cool copper jewels, a pair of clog-like green shoes that feel about as good as anything else EXCEPT these babies.... and now three pairs of new sandals... Clarks, Earth shoes, and .... I dunno....

But with all the pain it causes to move, function, get there... and back, I just can't force myself to put anything else on. I always sneak this pair out in a sack if I do wear another pair, and in less than twenty minutes... yeah, you guessed it.

Once I had a sweater I wore past its due date and a very sage senior girl told me she was staging an intervention. I finally took my coat of many colors to the burn barrel.... But I don't think I can function without shoes that feel like these... I am writing to Land's End and begging them to look in their old stock.... Wouldn't it be fabulous if they found a pair that would last me til 2016? Wow....

Any suggestions? I know they are ugly. About three years ago I bragged to my mother that I had worn the very same shoes every day for five years. Her remark chilled me a little, "You think they don't look it?" haha.. My mom... She's the best.

As you see, the soles are splitting... It's a matter of time now... Help!