Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Autumn Surprises....

What's around the autumn corner? Who really knows, eh? I just know I am buried, knee deep, and deeper in some kind of disorganized, surreal, quasi existence. I am floundering, or I should be... but I find myself just kind of slipping down under the waves of confusion and change, sort of like Meredith did in Grey's Anatomy last season when you just wanted to shake the ever loving snot out of her... Only in that episode her mother sent her back from the netherworld to LIVE! I am not entering some kind of netherworld exactly... just uncharted territory, which for a little homebody like me.... is kind of a bleak and watery land of scariness.

About the photos of the party. Well.... I can't find the camera, the cord, or the stuff I set out for the party photos... so I don't know about that. My son, my beautiful, beloved son... he walks off with every digital camera I have bought.... and then when I reclaim it, I feel as if I'm borrowing from HIM..... But, I haven't given up on the shots I took, just deferred posting for a bit.

I made this cheese ball, and it looked a lot like this one which is a stock photo. It was just a regular cheeseball recipe with seasoning, bacon, softened cream cheese, butter, and mayonnaise. I formed it and inserted two packs of almonds (toasted), about 100. Added some herbs from my yard, and Voila! It was soooo darn cute... Everyone was totally impressed.
And the program about fairies was just a blast to give. I had little fairy sacks with Tinkerbell on them that my mother found at Wal-Mart (bless Wal-Mart). In each sack I had a little bar of autumn soap, a bottle of scented bubbles that had the label replaced with one that read, "Fairy Transportation, Inc.... We ride like the wind".... and then I had autumn fairy cakes (a la Little Debbie), a booklet I made with Fairy Facts, Fairy doll photos, stories about sightings, and quotes.... all compiled from internet resources and bound in cloud paper. I tucked in a glittery pencil, a stick of Hershey's Wand Candy, a journal for fairy contact sightings, tissue, and a wand.

They were all excited about their fairy bags, and they participated in the program like the best classroom in the whole wide world.

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So, what's up today? I am getting some things ready for a bigger move to Mother's. I have come to the conclusion that living all week kind of here, kind of there, kind of not living anywhere.... that is not as much fun as it sounded at first. My schedule was all about getting up at 5:00 a.m. and having a cup of coffee and a visit with Mom, racing home in my nightie in my car (only about a mile), doing a Bible study, going on the computer for a fast five or ten minutes, taking a race of a shower, fuzzing up my hair and pretending to throw makeup at my face, plopping in my car and rummaging in my purse on the way driving to school for more makeup, my medicines, and any errands and mail I needed to take care of.... Whew... and at night I basically was just showing up at Mom's for some kind of meal and sitting with her until her bed time at 9. Then I was coming down to my little room for Tivo'd stuff and no doubt eating.... very very bad on the figure (which is already shot) and the soul (which isn't quite yet).

The hard truth is... things have changed. Daddy doesn't live there any more. I guess I do. Only those of you with houses you adore will understand how sad it makes me to say I am giving up some of my own home caring to move in with Mom. I love her and adore her and want to make her life as good as I can, BUT..... Oh, I adored puttering in my own house.... My house reflects my soul.... It's hard to explain, but I know I don't even need to with all of you. My heart says to dig in and make myself a nest over there and enjoy every day instead of this weird dual living... I know she will be cooperative and help me get rid of some of her things (put them in other rooms is what I meant to say... haha... Freudian slip, there.).... With a few of my own cherished items, my lotions, shower and bath items, my clothes, a few books at a time, movies... uh.... crafty papery cluttery projects, magazines, COMPUTER line!!!!!....... I think I'll be as good as new... And believe me, I will be war-dog slithering into my son's room and getting that camera BACK...... After all, he didn't force me to watch those war movies for nothing!!! "There's nothing like the smell of Napalm in the morning, eh?" Now, get in there and do my espionage..... where would I be if I were a covert digital camera?????? (maybe at his girlfriend's house?) oh. oh.... a military setback, for sure.

I can feel the blood begining to warm in my cold veins... If I can once again wake up in the middle of the night and get some kind of little project ready, or take a little visit to many of your wonderful wonderful blogs.....I will once again be a member of the human race..... are we winning? I don't know that it matters, but indeed we must get our motors running... at least that...

Have a good day... Dare I say, "Stay tuned for photos"????????????

7 comments:

Terri and Bob said...

You are facing such issues right now. I understand what you mean about giving up your home... can mom come and live with YOU instead? I can hear your ache right throught his blog. I'll pray for you, for some peace and to find your camera.

Becky K. said...

Yes I was wondering the same thing. Both of our Mom's have lost their spouses,(Our dads) in the past two years...one in '05 and one just last April. It surely does change your life too, if you let it.
I am stepping back a little bit where I can now but we were blessed to get both Moms into homes on either side of us. Would your mother want you to be unhappy? Just don't forget yourself and your needs in the process.
Says bossy, not achieved that yet me.
Becky K.

Melanie said...

Your party sounded great fun. Im Melanie fromBrocante Home, and I came across your blog on their, from what I have read so far, I think Im going to enjoy reading your blog. If you would like to read mine here is the link :-

http://www.freewebs.com/melaniegalloway/index.htm

Take Care, Melanie.

Dena ~ swaddlecottage said...

You are such a dear sweet soul and I will be praying for you as well.

Hugs,
Dena

Laurie said...

I am sorry that things aren't working out quite the way you hoped. I hope that making this little move will help you step out of "limbo" for a little while and that you can make the best of the situation for now. Best wishes.

Lynn@ The Vintage Nest said...

I just found your blog and enjoyed reading every word of it. I am so sorry about your Dad and your Mom being scared. I hope you get to stay in your sweet home and that things will work out. Come see me. ~ Lynn

Mary Isabella said...

I totaly understand what you are facing. When my husbands Father died we were faced with those issues about his Mother's care. Will keep you in my prayers. LOL Mary